he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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