Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
