mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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