3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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