I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
