Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
