Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
