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laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
