Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
