so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
