The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
