yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
