the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
