It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
