We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
