The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
NoShamevember. You game?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
