Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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