I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
