I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!