are you still at the devil's house?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog