Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.