I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??