Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.