just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
