My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
