Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
