that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
