He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
