mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
