it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
