I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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