if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
