His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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