I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
