i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
