The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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