ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
