She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
