he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
