Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
