That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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