he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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