You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!