With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??