so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside