Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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  (301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself http://tfl.nu/388v
  Replies (50) Good night (684) Bad night (5430)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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  (630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34
  Replies (31) Good night (1097) Bad night (5355)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

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  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (4033) Bad night (1447)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (9012) Bad night (1013)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

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  (724): I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already http://tfl.nu/y51h
  Replies (10) Good night (2535) Bad night (2851)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

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  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (5035) Bad night (1873)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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  (540): Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza. http://tfl.nu/9mae
  Replies (11) Good night (780) Bad night (3919)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

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  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2516) Bad night (1107)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.

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  (859): While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed. http://tfl.nu/3phj
  Replies (8) Good night (3201) Bad night (778)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.

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  (617): Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it. http://tfl.nu/o2t5
  Replies (8) Good night (1497) Bad night (1069)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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  (202): Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation. http://tfl.nu/g1cn
  Replies (9) Good night (1053) Bad night (545)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.

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  (506): Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/xgvx
  Replies (8) Good night (643) Bad night (1192)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...

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  (413): Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs... http://tfl.nu/m2io
  Replies (11) Good night (1261) Bad night (376)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?

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  (814): Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months? http://tfl.nu/ebp4
  Replies (2) Good night (591) Bad night (218)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick

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  (423): What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick http://tfl.nu/pr7p
  Replies (6) Good night (254) Bad night (361)

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