oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
where does the pee come out of this thing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling