I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
