I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
