I didn't shave. On purpose
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
