quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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