Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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