So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
