Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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