I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
