I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
