My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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