I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
