You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
