I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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