I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
