Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
