That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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