if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
