Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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