i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
