I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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