I think i peed on brittanys purse
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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