Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Found the puke drawer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
