Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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