I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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