If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
