The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
