Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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