im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
